I could just kick myself.
What was I thinking?
I always mess up like that.
I’ll never get better.
Why can’t I be more like (name of person who’s got it figured out) ?
Self-Loathing. Are these thoughts familiar to you? Probably so, for at least some of the time.
How about these:
I’ve really got my life under control.
I’m unbeatable.
I can’t think of anything I need to improve.
I am always helping others.
I wish more people would be like me.
Pride. You can probably think of some times you’ve thought along these lines, too. Hopefully we’re usually somewhere between these two: Neither self-loathing, nor pride. What would that be?
Reconciliation with self is the second entry in our series on our church name and why our mission is to seek reconciliation with: Self, Community, and God. The story of the Biblical character Joseph touches on each of these areas of brokenness and reconciliation. In the beginning of Joseph’s story (Genesis 37) he experiences pain, loss, and mistrust in about every possible way, and the entire chapter does not mention God. Joseph and his family simply were not thinking of God in their pride and struggles. Later in the story that changes.
While he was in jail, the Lord was with Joseph and remained loyal to him. —Genesis 39:20-21
Joseph said to them, ‘Don’t interpretations belong to God? Describe your dreams to me.’ —Genesis 40:8
Joseph could have experienced his suffering as distance from God, but Joesph’s struggle and pain seem to make God’s presence in his life much more clear. Why would that be?
Perhaps Joseph grew in his maturity and became humble. Joseph could have wondered, “What about my dreams of greatness? How could God land me in prison? When will I finally be powerful like my dreams showed me?”
Instead, Joseph listens to the dreams of other people and shares his gift of interpretation. When he interprets his fellow prisoners’ dreams, he does not take the credit for himself, which could have given him more power. He immediately says, “Interpretations belong to God.” He responds similarly to Pharaoh when his gift of interpretation is on the brink of getting him out of prison. Again, Joseph refuses the credit. He says, “It’s not me. God will give Pharaoh a favorable response” (Genesis 41:16).
Humility.
Joseph shows that humility gives us a healthy relationship with self. In humility, we are not thinking to little of ourselves or too highly of ourselves, both of which are forms of self-harm. If we really investigate our thoughts, we might be surprised how often we are either beating ourselves up or being overly prideful.
That’s why at COTR we are about building relationships that nourish us with healthy humility. Each day at our church people with widely varying circumstances gather to address the problem of poverty, and to just get through each day. You might think that the wealthy are more likely to struggle with pride and the poor are more likely to struggle with self-loathing, but when we get to know one another, we find that we are all equally capable of pride, self-loathing, and healthy humility. Our experiences of food, fellowship, prayer, and support here at the church help all of us on our journey toward a humble and healthy love of self.
If you need a place to be challenged in your moments of pride, encouraged in your moments of self-loathing, and loved through it all, we welcome you here.
Cover Photo by Camille Voiles at Church of the Reconciler, 2026